Finding Me
by rakuen wa
Summary: Fahrenheit 451: A series of 25 journal entries that show Montag's conversion from Book Burner to Book Saver.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the novel _Fahrenheit 451_. This is mearly a fanfiction.

Dear Journal,Sept. 15, 3173

Oh, how I love my job! Kerosene is the perfect perfume. I love the fact that my job is teaching book lovers that their precious books are nothing but useless words on paper. You don't even have to think in order to be a fireman! All you have to do is light the match and let the fore do the rest. This is the life! Having "451" stitched on your sleeve is true happiness. There's just nothing better! I can't wait to go to work tomorrow!

Dear Journal, Sept. 27, 3173

The new neighbor is a crazy but interesting girl. She's only seventeen, but she seems so much older than that. Everything she says makes me think. We were walking home and she tells me her family talks. I haven't talk to anyone in a long time. Then she stopped and asked me if I was happy. Luckily she left because if not then I would have had to tell her the horrible truth: I not happy, not truly. I wish I were Clarisse, even if it meant giving up my sanity. At least she's happy.

Dear Journal,Sept. 28, 3173

I'll tell you why I'm unhappy. Everyday I come home and see the same thing. On the bed I see my wife sprawled out, drugged up, and with Seashell radios stuffed in her ears. I want to die seeing my wife like this. Then I remember the routine: call the emergence hospital and let the machine make her better. I found out that they don't even send M.D.s anymore. Then when Millie wakes up it's as if nothing happened and she rushes to her precious parlor. Someone, save me!

Dear Journal,Oct. 4, 3173

Somehow, being with a crazy girl like Clarisse is comforting. Knowing she's different makes me happy. She knows me so well and can see though my lies when I know my own wife probably can't. I wish she could help me be happy again. Not when I'm just with her, but when I'm with anyone. I can tell she can sense what's wrong with me, like a mother's intuition. When you think about it, she's not crazy, just different: a thinker.

Note: There is going to be a total of 25 journal entries; the disclaimer above counts for all upcoming chapters. These journal entries are supposed to chronicle key points in Guy's conversion from Book Burner to Book Reader/Saver. Hope you enjoy and if you have any advice on how this story could be better, feel free to review.

EDIT: Oh, and I put some of the entries into one chapter so you can read it all at once instead of having to click that annoying button!


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Journal, Oct. 5, 3173

It was only a while ago when I said I love being a fireman, but now I don't think I love it anymore. I'm certain now that the Mechanical Hound is out to get me. He can't be growling at me because he likes me! I think he knows my secret. The Hound probably isn't the only one who knows something. Captain Beatty also seems to be suspicious of me. Hopefully I'm wrong and everything will be okay. For now, I'm going to have to watch my back.

Dear Journal, Oct. 11, 3173

I hate that fire alarm now. It called me to the worst experience of my life. Watching a woman burn herself with her books scars you for life. I'm so confused now. What it is about books that would make someone die with them? This curiosity led me to make the biggest mistake any fireman could make. I have to admit that this isn't the first time I've made this mistake. I have about 20 mistakes stuck at home. This whole day has made me sick to my stomach. Please, let this day end!

Note: As suggested by Belgaer's Voice I will be uploading the entries 1 chapter per 1 week that passes in Montag's journal. Technically a week just passed between these chapters so I will end it here. Reviews are still very much appreciated. Hope you enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Journal,Oct. 12, 3173

It turns out that I was sicker than I thought I was. Millie only makes me sicker. Nowadays, I can't even be sure she loves me. I want to be able to turn to her for advice and caring, but I can't. Clarisse makes a better wife than Millie in that sense, but now she's gone. Millie knows that I slept through the day because I'm sick, and now she expects me to go to work like nothing's happened! Captain Beatty's little lecture made things worse. I know for sure now that I can't possible trust him with my book problem. With Clarisse gone, whom can I turn to?

Dear Journal,Oct. 13, 3173

I had to tell Millie the truth. Captain Beatty knew it was only a matter of time before I showed her. Needless to say, Millie was utterly shocked that I had hidden so many books without her knowing but I just had to take it. I had an "itch" as the Captain said. But even when I scratched it, it wouldn't go away. Why would people die for their books if there wasn't something interesting about them? I have a feeling that there's more to books then something interesting. I guess Millie's going to have to suffer because of my curiosity. There's something milling in my life, and I'm hoping that books are the answer.

Dear Journal,Oct. 14, 3173

Reading books is harder than I thought. Millie keeps nagging me to burn them already because they're nonsense. I know it's hard to understand, but there must be something more to them; something that people don't get now because they haven't read in a long time. Oh, how I wish Clarisse was here! Even if she didn't have any books at home she might have been able to understand them better than me. I need to find a person who doesn't drown themselves in parlor walls and speed racing. I need to find someone who's different

Dear Journal,Oct. 16, 3173

I think I may have found my answer. I remember meeting an old man. He was strange like Clarisse, but not as crazy as she was. This man was special in his own way. You could tell that he loves books; it's just that he hides it from the world. He's afraid he's going to be found out and burned. It I could find this man and help him with his fear, maybe there's hope for a future of book reading.

Dear Journal,Oct. 17, 3173

Professor Faber was the old man's name. Finding out he's still alive is great news for me. For a while, I was unsure if I would be able to find him. I feared he had met the same fate as Clarisse. It didn't go very well, but at least I found him, and that's a start! What would make this day even better is if I could get Millie to stop watching those stupid parlor walls and start helping us save books.

**Note: Okay, so this isn't really a full week, but I haven't finished typing the rest of it yet. There's some editing I want to do first. Once again if you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to leave a review. All I ask is that you don't flame. Belgaer's Voice's review is a good example of a review that is informitive, but not a flame. Anyway, enjoy!**


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Journal,Oct. 18, 3173

I realize that Faber might be very hostile towards me and might try to confuse me with questions, but I prepared to face him anyway. If he asks me why a fireman of all people would want to save books, I have an answer: Mildred. I miss who she used to be. Where is the Mildred of old, the woman I truly love who truly loves me back? I've always wondered what's missing in my life. It might be books, but one thing is certain: Millie's love is missing in my life. Can books bring her back to me? I hope so, because if books aren't the answer, I don't know what is.

Dear Journal,Oct. 19, 3173

When I first met Faber, he seemed like a mean man. In reality, he's just a little paranoid and scared. The government and the fear of getting caught is what's holding him back. Anyone who took enough time to get to know him would realize that he really loves books. It wouldn't matter if was a bible, a children's book, or a baby book; it's precious treasure to Faber. If you look beyond the scared surface and the book-loving middle, if you peered into the deep core of Faber's soul, you would see a man who cares about other people and wants to help them with their struggles. Like Clarisse, he's a person who listens and actually cares about me. Is this what thinking does to a man?

Dear Journal,Oct. 20, 3173

Faber and I have had more time to talk. In this time, we've figured out how society got to be the way it is. It turns out that a person requires three things just to have faith in anything. We need good information, time to read it and think about it, and the freedom and will to act upon our belief. No wonder why people stopped reading books and stopped thinking for themselves! Everything in our society has to be fast so people decided that thinking for yourself takes too long. Reading is only one of the three steps so of course people thought it's time consuming and not worth the trouble. Did anyone ever stop and consider that maybe taking those three steps is worth it? We have to show the world that it is worth it.

Dear Journal,Oct. 21, 3173

Yesterday, Faber and I came up with a way to stop all the book burnings. We're going to break the system from the inside out. Faber was a little uneasy about the plan, but that's because he's scared and I can't blame him. I'm not sure I'd would talk to a fireman, former or not, about books. Now I feel bad for tearing the bible apart. Watching even one page being ripped out was pure torture for him. Well, the plan had been put into action. Soon every fireman will have a book in his house and the system will slowly crumble. We've got to stay strong, there's no turning back.

Dear Journal,Oct. 22, 3173

My life and my family really depress me. Why can't my wife, the love of my life listen to me and trust me? Mildred, do you love me anymore, do you care about how I feel? I'd rip this entry out and give it to her but even then she wouldn't see the agony she's put me through. She just makes me so angry, but her friends are even worse. Why can't they just open their eyes a little? They call me a horrible man, but did they ever stop to think about their own actions? No, they didn't! All they want is whatever is fastest and painless. They're following the downward spiral of fools.

Dear Journal,Oct. 22, 3173

This just has to be the worst day of my life. First have to deal with Millie and her friends. Like I said before, they're following the fools. What's worse is I come back to work and I find Captain Beatty ready to torture my mind with yet another speech. He knows I'm not really "cured" from my "sickness". If Faber voice wasn't in my head I'd probably explode and go on a rampage. Worst of all, I found out that Mildred isn't only heartless, but a snitch too. She told Captain Beatty about the books and now he wants me to burn down my own house. What can I do?

**Note: At this point, you may have to reread the story to understand some one the points Montag is making here. I took some of his feelings and emotions from little lines and really emphasized them. I hope you have been enjoying my fanfic so far. There will probably be about two to three more chapters (the last chapter will be an epilouge to give it more of an ending). Anyway, review!**

**Another note: I added two more entries to this chapter since when I was counting my entries, I found out that I only had 23 and not 25! Well, hope you enjoy! **


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Journal,Oct. 18, 3173

I realize that Faber might be very hostile towards me and might try to confuse me with questions, but I prepared to face him anyway. If he asks me why a fireman of all people would want to save books, I have an answer: Mildred. I miss who she used to be. Where is the Mildred of old, the woman I truly love who truly loves me back? I've always wondered what's missing in my life. It might be books, but one thing is certain: Millie's love is missing in my life. Can books bring her back to me? I hope so, because if books aren't the answer, I don't know what is.

Dear Journal,Oct. 19, 3173

When I first met Faber, he seemed like a mean man. In reality, he's just a little paranoid and scared. The government and the fear of getting caught is what's holding him back. Anyone who took enough time to get to know him would realize that he really loves books. It wouldn't matter if was a bible, a children's book, or a baby book; it's precious treasure to Faber. If you look beyond the scared surface and the book-loving middle, if you peered into the deep core of Faber's soul, you would see a man who cares about other people and wants to help them with their struggles. Like Clarisse, he's a person who listens and actually cares about me. Is this what thinking does to a man?

Dear Journal,Oct. 20, 3173

Faber and I have had more time to talk. In this time, we've figured out how society got to be the way it is and what might help change it back to the book reading society it used to be. Faber was a little uneasy about the plan, but that's because he's scared and I can't blame him. I'm not sure I'd would talk to a fireman, former or not, about books. Now I feel bad for tearing the bible apart. Watching even one page being ripped out was pure torture for him. Well, the plan had been put into action. Soon every fireman will have a book in his house and the system will slowly crumble. We've got to stay strong, there's no turning back.

Dear Journal,Oct. 22, 3173

My life and my family really depress me. Why can't my wife, the love of my life, listen to me and trust me? Mildred, do you love me anymore, do you care about how I feel? I'd rip this entry out and give it to her but even then she wouldn't see the agony she's put me through. What's worse is I come back to work and I find Captain Beatty ready to torture my mind with yet another speech. He knows I'm not really "cured" from my "sickness". If Faber voice weren't in my head I'd probably explode and go on a rampage. Worst of all, I found out that Mildred isn't only heartless, but a snitch too. She told Captain Beatty about the books and now he wants me to burn down my own house. What can I do?


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Journal,Nov. 2, 3173

We're still waiting for the war to come. If only Millie were here. What will happen to her in the war? For a moment I became emotionless and didn't care about Mildred. Then Granger told me of his grandfather. He misses what he did for the world. But how can I miss Mildred that way? What did she do for the world? I wish I could remember. Please! I need to know—for Millie's sake.

Dear Journal,Nov. 3, 3173

It's all come back to me. I remember! I know what she did for the world. It's now my job to remember her. Death has fallen upon her and Chicago, so I must keep her memory and our memory alive. Her soul lives on in me, just as Granger's grandfather's could lives in Granger. The Books of Ecclesiastes and Revelation have also entrusted their souls to me. The war is over and the human rave will rise up like the phoenix, keeping the souls of the past alive.

**Note: So those are the last two journal entries. There is an epilouge coming up. It compares Montag and Fireman to Montag the Reader. The reason why this chapter is up so early is because this is all going to be due soon (see profile) and I wanted to get as much feedback as a possibly could. So please, if you have any comments on what you liked or how I can improve don't be afraid to leave a review. Hope you've enjoyed this.**


	7. Epilogue

When Montag was a fireman, he enjoyed seeing people in pain. He found pleasure in burning and death. One is able to observe this interest when Montag once declared quite proudly, "It's fine work. Monday burn Millay, Wednesday Whitman, Friday Faulkner, burn 'em to ashes, then burn the ashes…." This job was merely as escape from him home life. Montag seemed to be a happy man, but in reality, he was a very depressed man, saddened by his wife's lack of care for him and everything he saw at home. Any sign of caring or joy comforted him, such as the kindness that came from the strange girl named Clarisse. In the end, Guy Montag the fireman is a man who is lost in his search for true happiness.

Throughout _Fahrenheit 451_ Montag changes from a depressed man who despises books, to a man who finds happiness through books. He is someone who thinks for himself. One can tell that he thinks for himself when he is able to remember on his own the place he and Mildred first met and the Book of Ecclesiastes and the Book of Revelation. Montag learned how to care about human life. Before, he never had a second thought about burning houses and people to the ground. As the atomic bomb was dropped, destroying nearly the whole human civilization, Montag thought back for a moment imagining the sad death his wife, Mildred, probably went through. He screamed her name, showing that even though Mildred was never nice to Montag and never cared about him, he still loved her and cared about her life. Montag's experience gave him a sense of emotion and self-confidence. Montag the Reader had no doubts as he walked back to the destroyed city. He was ready to show everyone who survived how great books are and how they can change people. Montag the Reader is a man who has discovered what true happiness is and wants to share it with the world.


End file.
